( once and future king. )

[medievals]

an arthur pendragon open post

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[servesdestiny]

[medievals]

[ there are a lot of things arthur never expected to happen in his lifetime. most, if not all of them, happened to involve a certain person named merlin. when they first met, the last thing on arthur's mind was the possibility of merlin becoming his new servant, because it was so far out of the realm of chance that it wouldn't have been worth thinking about in the first place. he hardly would have considered merlin for the job, but it wasn't exactly his choice, in the end. ]

[ and maybe, he thinks, the happenstance of it all was a good thing. merlin is an idiot on a good day and incompetent the rest of the time, but he has a good heart and a good head on his shoulders, whether he actually uses his brain or not. uther brought them together, technically, and arthur wonders if he should be thankful. he used to resent his father's decision -- a servant as incapable as merlin surely isn't worthy of a prince -- but, over time, he's come to realize how invaluable merlin is to him. unexpectedly, yes. a prince isn't supposed to have feelings for his servant. ]

[ and yet -- arthur can't help himself. he can't help the way he looks at merlin like he yearns for the light of the sun; he can't help the way he always wants merlin by his side, whether he needs to be there or not; he can't help the hidden smiles or the secret thoughts or the desperate need to tell him to stay instead of telling him to go. he can't tell him to stay, though; or, he could, but he's sure there would be questions. questions that would lead to untruthful answers, and he wouldn't want to put merlin in a position to lie for him, even if he knows merlin would lie a thousand times to protect him. ]

[ merlin lied to him for years, after all, so arthur knows firsthand how easy it is for him to hide the truth. it's been long enough, now, that arthur can't be mad at him anymore -- and, truthfully, he knew he couldn't stay mad at merlin forever, anyway, even over something as huge as i have magic. he still can't believe it sometimes, that merlin truly is a sorcerer. he's so unlike any sorcerer arthur has ever encountered, despite the initial deceit -- he's someone arthur would put his life in his hands, someone he would go to the ends of the earth to protect, someone he loves more than any person he's ever met. and it's that -- the feeling he gets when he's with merlin, the heart-swelling, chest-aching feeling that ever made him realize sorcery was never at play. merlin is the only person he's ever trusted with his heart, and arthur knows merlin would never use that against him. ]

[ it's more difficult, away from the castle and the constant threat of his father finding out, to keep his desires at bay. it's more difficult, in the middle of the woods, with nothing and no one around them except the trees and the occasional sound of wildlife, to look at merlin and not think i could kiss him. he thinks about how often he's thought of kissing merlin, and what that might say about him. what his father would say. none of it good, he can imagine. but his father's opinion has never mattered to him when it comes to merlin, and arthur's always done as he pleases for the sake of his servant. surely, this is no different (and, perhaps if he justifies it, it might make it less wrong, even if it feels right). ]

[ he isn't exactly sure how to go about it all, but the closeness they share in the tent provides an air of intimacy, merlin's hands already at his chest, smoothing out the fabric of his shirt. this part has always been arthur's favorite, this ritual of dressing, the casual intimacy they've shared even long before arthur realized what it was that he felt. ]

Merlin. [ his voice is soft, yet still commanding, demanding attention arthur knows merlin will always give. there's only a moment's hesitation after, followed by the gentle press of lips and a hand at merlin's hip. ] Thank you. [ he knows he doesn't say it enough. ]