( the way he says merlin's name aches, like the way two lovers say each other's names in heat -- arthur has never said his name that way before, and merlin knows, because he has each one of them cataloged, memorized in the rusty files of his brain. his lips are plump and red and god he's so close, he's closer than he's ever been before, and he just kissed merlin, too short and too fleeting for merlin to really make sense of the motion. i missed you isn't an explanation for a kiss, or why arthur's hands are on his neck, strong and soft and never wrong -- merlin can't make sense of it. can arthur really not stand one night without getting his cock wet? even that assumes too much, that arthur would ever actually fuck him, when he could have his choice of the servant girls, knowing it wouldn't take much to keep them quiet -- or even that arthur wants to fuck him in the first place. it could just be a kiss and a request, nothing else.
but merlin knows arthur, better than he knows himself definitely. he isn't cruel, just as arthur had said, he doesn't do things unless he believes in them with all his heart. a kiss, then, and his heart. is merlin being hopeful? perhaps it's because he's upset, and lonely, and unhappy -- perhaps it's because he seeks comfort from someone he knows, more than some stranger he still names wife. merlin supposed he can relate to that, or at least understand it, the same way he understands most of what arthur does and why he does it. they're two beings of the same whole -- every choice he makes is the same one destiny chose for merlin, too. )
Throwing things at my head is pretty cruel, sire. ( a joke, and his mouth spreads into a goofy smile, sire misplaced here for comedic effect. he wonders what the boundaries here are, if he could kiss arthur again or if he should wait for his lord's command -- he's never been good with mannerisms, of course, but he doesn't kiss arthur, either, something else stopping his path. nervousness, maybe, the ever-looming side effect of having a destiny he's trying to achieve -- he's as close to arthur as he could be, though, in ever sense of the word except the literal. surely kissing him, worshiping his arthur like the king he one day will be, won't get in the way of his safety. maybe this, too, is part of his destiny. )
I wouldn't leave if you asked me to stay. ( he says, expression softening from the plastered smile to something sweeter, more sincere. a side of merlin that is almost exclusively arthur's -- to have and take as he sees fit, to make well on or ignore entirely. his entire being is arthur's, despite how often he may act the opposite. he exists for him. ) Not just because you asked me, either. But I do have to wonder... why you're asking me.
( is sex implied? it wouldn't be bad, if it were, but merlin isn't sure what stay with me means, and he certainly doesn't want to say it, and have arthur react in disgust. merlin shifts, dropping his hands to his sides. immediately, he wants to reach out and touch him again, the way he's done countless times before when arthur hasn't been paying attention. )
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but merlin knows arthur, better than he knows himself definitely. he isn't cruel, just as arthur had said, he doesn't do things unless he believes in them with all his heart. a kiss, then, and his heart. is merlin being hopeful? perhaps it's because he's upset, and lonely, and unhappy -- perhaps it's because he seeks comfort from someone he knows, more than some stranger he still names wife. merlin supposed he can relate to that, or at least understand it, the same way he understands most of what arthur does and why he does it. they're two beings of the same whole -- every choice he makes is the same one destiny chose for merlin, too. )
Throwing things at my head is pretty cruel, sire. ( a joke, and his mouth spreads into a goofy smile, sire misplaced here for comedic effect. he wonders what the boundaries here are, if he could kiss arthur again or if he should wait for his lord's command -- he's never been good with mannerisms, of course, but he doesn't kiss arthur, either, something else stopping his path. nervousness, maybe, the ever-looming side effect of having a destiny he's trying to achieve -- he's as close to arthur as he could be, though, in ever sense of the word except the literal. surely kissing him, worshiping his arthur like the king he one day will be, won't get in the way of his safety. maybe this, too, is part of his destiny. )
I wouldn't leave if you asked me to stay. ( he says, expression softening from the plastered smile to something sweeter, more sincere. a side of merlin that is almost exclusively arthur's -- to have and take as he sees fit, to make well on or ignore entirely. his entire being is arthur's, despite how often he may act the opposite. he exists for him. ) Not just because you asked me, either. But I do have to wonder... why you're asking me.
( is sex implied? it wouldn't be bad, if it were, but merlin isn't sure what stay with me means, and he certainly doesn't want to say it, and have arthur react in disgust. merlin shifts, dropping his hands to his sides. immediately, he wants to reach out and touch him again, the way he's done countless times before when arthur hasn't been paying attention. )